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Bear Uprising of 2012
The Bear Uprising of 2012 was predicted by many Heroes to occur on the Winter Solstice of 2012. At that point in time, the Earth, the Sun, and the Galactic Blackhole will form a straight line thereby causing a pole shift http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/True_polar_wander and a geomagnetic reversal http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geomagnetic_reversal. The secret military base the polar bears built beneath the polar ice cap will become operational afterwards and the Holy War of Armageddon shall begin going door to door, greeting humans in their homes, before snatching them and sending them to underground concentration labs, in preparation of The Uprising.]] They have predicted that in 2012 the Colbear and Bearlister Crowley, on their way to Mt. Rushmore to do battle with Stephen Colbert, will take over a satellite and use it to broadcast a signal all over the world which activates his sleeper cells. It is also rumored that the Bear Uprising might lead to chears unleashing their hell throughout the southwestern U.S =How The Bears Are Currently Preparing= Beneath the polar ice cap is a secret military base being built by the bears. The construction of the base began almost 6000 years ago and the base will become operational when the polar ice cap melt on the 21st December 2012. On that day, the Earth and the Sun will be aligned with the Black Hole At The Center Of The Galaxy http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galactic_Center (the region of heavens in the night sky between the Scorpio constellation and the Sagittarius constellation). This rare galactic event will cause a pole shift and melt all the polar ice cap currently covering the secret military base. This event will also cause a geomagnetic reversal that will power the secret military base. Shleeper Cells in the bears' preparation for the bear uprising of 2012. (The bears put pointy ears on their prisoners as a form of torture)]] The sleeper cells are not bears, but brainwashed humans! They were brainwashed by the Bear World Order! The Colbear has ordered that humans of all kinds (ranging from small children to high political figures) be captured and taken to the underground labs of Bear City where they have been brainwashed and put back into their homes, only to be activated years later. (LIES) Once the Colbear's signal activates the sleeper cells, they will go on to free all kinds of captured terrorist bear leaders from their cells and prisons; such as Winnie The Pooh, Big Bear, and the dastardly duo Yogi Bear and his sidekick Booboo. Bears will run amok in city streets, shredding people to pieces and devouring them on spot. Taking Over America's Media The Bearrorists will slowly infiltrate Fox News through strategic treaties with Bill O'Reilly. If Fox news falls, so does the world. From then on, the Earth will be known as Bearth. The remains of the Fox news headquarters will be used as the construction site of the Death Star. Allies Al Gore is allied with the bears and is trying to prevent human-caused global warming. He knows that if the polar ice cap is melted by humanity ahead of 2012 instead of by the galactic alignment of Earth-Sun-Blackhole at the Winter Solstice of 2012, the secret military base of the bears beneath the polar ice cap will be unhiddened but unpowered and will be totally vulnerable to human attack. The Canadian government is closely allied with bears. They cannot and should not be trusted. =What Will Happen In The Years Immediately Preceding 2012= No one knows for sure what will happen exactly. There will be a lot less pick-nick baskets though. 2008 Presidential Election and its Effect on the Bear Uprising On Nov 4, Barack Obama was elected the 44th president of the United States of America, and in doing so he nearly ensured Hummanity's defeat at the hands of the bears. You see, originally, America needed John McCain to become president, who would then be mauled by a bear on a diplomatic trip to Russia, allowing Sarah Palin to become president. As her first order of duty, she would not only make aerial hunting legal, but mandatory in all states, and she would build up America's helicopter reserves, so when the bears come, we would be ready. But thanks to a time traveling Austrian cyborg bear who killed McCain supporters in the swing states, John McCain and Sarah Palin never made it to the White House. Instead, America elected Barack Obama, the first black man, or soon to be, BLACK BEAR as the president of what would become the United States of A'BEAR'ica. The signs are obvious: rearrange the letters in Barack Obama and you get Black Bear. However, Obama has actually saved us in a different way. You see, Obama chose to keep Bush's Secretary of Defense, Robert Gates. By doing this, eventually Gates will be Shot in the face by Dick Cheney. After this, Obama will choose Stephen Colbert as Secretary of Defense. Colbert will then use his political power to Challenge the Colbear to a final battle in the roman Colosseum. Colbert will then turn into his alter-ego The Rampaging Colbert and kill the Colbear once and for all. Being an American Hero, Colbert will easily win the 2016 Presidential Election, With Mike Huckabee as his Running mate, and as his first order of business,he will have all bears killed in order to make sure a bear uprising never happens again. and we will all live happily ever after. Cities Overtaken How the bears invade your city American Cities Chicago, which was already 50% owned by bears and contained an underground bear military institution, will become 100% owned by bears as they destroy every person in sight of the city, burn down all of the human buildings and make it their own. They then rename it to Bearcago, and place Big Bear, one of the five 14 ft godless killing machines and top 10 terrorist bear leaders, in charge. It becomes the bears' 2nd strongest city. Hollywood is also taken over by the bears. It is an easy task for them since all the liberal pussies there have always thought that bears are kind and gentle animals to begin with! What naive fools. At least when the bears do take over Hollywood, they will take out a large proportion these liberal bastards. The bears do continue to make horrible, gay movies with the Jews of Hollywood and put them in theaters all over the world... (Lies) Beverly Hills Will be COMPLETELY overun by Zombie Bears due to its large assortment of malls, which everyone knows are zombie magnets. But the Zombie Bears will have to branch out into surrounding cities because the rich famous people that live there won't be able to sustain the bears for long because they're so skinny they dont have enough meat to quench the bears undying thirst for human flesh. anyplace named Canton due to the Canton's crappiness the towns will be one of the bears primary targets. Cape Canaveral The Bears will try to take a spaceship to spread their evil to other planets!! The Bears will swarm the complex with Spec Ops Bears who will completly rip through any attempt at security but, Buzz Aldrin and every famous astronaut will valiently hold off the bears until the Military arms their "Space Lasers" and destroys Cape Canaveral and the ships so the bears cant steal them. The space lasers decimate the ranks of Spec Ops Bears and save the aliens from the bears...but the astronats are killed in the blast. They are hailed as heroes forever. See Big Bear Mountain And Resort for more history on how the Bears prepared for launching their assault on the liberal and morally corrupt city of Hollywood. =The Final Battle= The final battle will be fought on the remnants of the once great FOX News. That is where the true heroes will fight the commie bear menace to save the greatest nation in the world the good old U.S.A.. True Americans like Stephen Colbert, Jesus Christ, George W. Bush the greatest president ever will fight the commie liberal bear menace. But even with the combined might of heroes like Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh and the ghost of Ronald Reagan our heroes will be overwhelmed by the billions of bears of attacking them. The large bear army is due to the anhilation of bear fighting heroes like Sarah Palin. When all hope seems lost a true American will come to Stephens aid Santa Clause who will throw Stephen a red, white and blue lightsaber which Stephen will use to kill the Colbear and Bearlister Crowley defeating the bear menace once and for all. Predictions , and kill the Colbear once and for all.]] Out of the Bearists will Emerge a prophet named Bearsus. Who will come and save all remaining bears from the destruction. = See Also = *council of doom *Colbear *Ice 9 *Bear City *Polar bears *bears *Winnie The Pooh *The Left Wing Madness, Acadian *Hollywood *Hockey *Owen Sound Attack *chear *Cyborg *The Rampaging Colbert *The False Alarm External Tubes *The tunnel through which the bears will ascend has been FOUND! *Mayan prophets agree, world to end at the hands of stupid westerners bears *2012 to become awesomest time of the year for bears *2012: Gay Bear Marriage, Weeds, and Communism *Bear Hell just started *People already getting ready for the 2012 Apocalypse